The hum of the fridge at 4 a.m.
Calms my waking nerves
Until a shadow creeps
I put up my hands and
Flinch
I’m crunching numbers at my desk
My fingers punch the keys
But I freeze when approached
With just some sticky notes
Because first I saw the
Fist
A helpful hand is open palmed
While mine grip to my arms
Nails digging canyons now
My mind is in constant recreation
The wreck reaction
The closer someone gets
Inch by inch
You can bet
I’ll still flinch
Pick yourself up
Not like the gum under your shoe
Chewed up, spit out, and used
But like you’ve had enough
And you have the power to choose
An influencer I follow mentioned writing a letter to our future self, for the next new year. She suggested using the GROW template:
Gratitude and reflection
Realizations and lessons learned
Outlook and aspirations
Wishes and dreams
I’m sharing mine to look back at. I encourage you to write a letter to yourself as well.
2023 was a tough year, but a great one. I wrote an entire novel and half of another one. I got a publisher and dumped them when I stood up for myself and values. I tried new things like Youtubing and different kinds of creative outlets like editing and vtubing. I structured a consistent schedule for myself to put time into things I love like writing and reading. I read 26 books!
I learned to speak up for myself in a relationship and not to tolerate bullshit. I am slowly but surely breaking the dependency on others in friendships and relationships. I don’t need others to feel love. And they are not responsible for my feelings. And when things get tough, I didn’t lean too hard on self-destruction this time. That’s a win for me. I did start 2023 going into Keto though, which messed up my metabolism. I lost weight and gained it all and more back. It took until almost the end of the year to get my act together and put in the work to get healthy the right way. Mind, body & soul.
In 2024, I will stick to my health plan. Yes, I call it a health plan and not a weight loss plan. I am more than a number on the scale. And my happiness is more than that number, too. In 2023, I really lacked spirituality. In 2022, I wrote Glamour Magick for the Soul. I spent 2023 querying and got discouraged when a publisher I signed with bullied me into believing I was shit. This is a book about confidence and finding the magick within yourself, and I lost mine. In 2024, I take a lesson from my own book. I will self-publish it before my birthday this year and do it my way. I will help others this year without detriment to my own health. I’m going to publish at least Glamour Magick for the Soul this year, get The Blurry Man edited, and finish writing Halcyon Heights. This year I am thirty, flirty, and thriving. (Note: I must re-watch that movie this year.)
Rather than say “I wish” or “My dreams are”, I will manifest my aspirations as if they have already happened. I am law of attractioning my dreams and ripping them out of my mind and into reality. I look in the mirror and love the face looking back at me. People care about the words I put to paper. I am successful and people around me notice that I manifest confidence.
You ban books with opinion
Your brazen babble falls from the margin
Too tight between the lines you can’t read
You think poetry is pretty
Neat with boxes, ribbons, bows
Precise in rhyme and time
And meter chased by metronomes
Skin as smooth as silence
A concept unfamiliar
Not the flesh and bones of the beast
The industry term is “meat”
Discard art you cannot see
Like the people under your breath
If you’re the loudest in the room
Surely, you’re endowed
When I shut down
I shut up
Call myself
A fuck-up
When I need
Some self help
My creed is a cry to the angels
In tongue of the devil
But I believe in that
The same way I believe in myself
I wish your eyes were mirrors
So, I could see my reflection
The way you see me here
In a fog of affection
What’s it like to cry through mirror eyes?
Tell me about the other side
The looking glass I can’t quite break through
I want to know what it looks like to you
It was Christmas and it was white
The pureness struck me in the darkness
Streetlights were masked by Winter’s frost
And through the thick of the storm, I was lost
A path I walked a hundred times
But that day it hurt more than any other
I had lost her
And my partner
No more family to behold
Just me, my hoodie and tennis shoes, skin blistering in the cold
My tears chilled to icicles on my cheeks
A twelve-hour shift left me weak
My uniform was darker than black when drenched
The slush cascaded at my feet
The wind tugged at the nape of my neck
Stopping me in my tracks
And like the child I never was
I let my back crash to the snow
I became an angel that night,
As the pure blanket coated what was left of me
And then the cold turned warm
Needles pinned me to the ground
The world was so much larger from down there
Maybe in Spring I would be found
Not that anyone would have cared
A stranger would be sadder than all else
But as my thoughts tapered like a tealight
I heard the bells
The numbness travelled to my ears
Screaming and gouging at me like sheers
I went into the deepest sleep
And my body stopped shaking
The bells became muffled
And my dreams leaked out my mouth
Taking what I thought was a last breath
But through the stars came forth a bull
My eyes opened
And I gasped
The chorus of trumpets blared
And I ripped my cold hair from the ground
And held myself in fear
In place of wings, I grew horns
That day I was reborn
I am parched
Marked by a lesser devil
The demon that whispers in my ear
That no one but I can hear
The words I struggle to tell myself
To make everything ok
Stutter like a leaky faucet
The alphabet soup
Slung at the nape of my neck
Weighing me down
To the bottom of the lost and found
When you lie with Her
I hope you see them
The lies you manifested
Planted like seeds
Growing like weeds
Because I know they didn’t end with me
And Her isn’t just one
You’d forget Her name tomorrow
Just a night of fun
You’ll wallow in your self pity
Quantity will erase memory
Because all pawns serve you equally
Until they can’t no more
Then you’ll just get more
As you heave inside of Her all of your regrets
In the heat of hot and dirty sex
You’ll think of me
And the love you’ll never own
Who you’ll always be
And that you’ll always be alone
I want you to make a list
Of everything that’s priceless
Leaves tickling the wind
The cirrus fluff moving in
Dogs with mouths hung open
The rushing current of the riverbend
Dandelions half turned
Stuck between dawn and dusk
A fire just burnt
Embers baking in soot and dust
The taste of cinnamon in the autumn air
Sugar-coated snowflakes of the winter
The chickadees flirting in the trees
Ice-cream droplets soaked in the concrete
Hey guys. It’s been a while since I’ve given you an update or a poem. A lot has been going on. This Wednesday, 7/19, I’ll be in Buffalo for the day. Then I head over to Lowell, MA to Camp Necon. I will be a first time camper. If you are unaware of this event, it’s for authors to gather and connect, sell books, learn from each other and have a good time. I am extremely excited to be part of this event. I’ll be up there Thursday through Sunday. Come by and grab a signed book! I’ll be hanging out in Salem a few days after the event to explore. if you have any recommendations, comment below!
In other news, a couple weeks ago, I received my first traditional publishing contract. WOO HOO. I can’t give details on the book yet, but it will be a full length metaphysical non-fiction. (Mind, Body, Spirit) I am beyond thankful for the team I have to launch this book. Our target release date is May 2024.
If witchcraft isn’t your genre, no worries. I have another secret! I am in the last chapter of a new title based on a true crime. This book I am extremely proud of. I’ve grown a lot since writing my first horror novel (Unpublished: Garden of People – You can find snippets on the blog.) and I can’t wait to show it off. I’ll be off to the editing trenches soon! After these two books, and depending on the feedback I receive, maybe I’ll revisit Garden of People, and re-write.
When I finish my latest novel, I’ll give you more free poetry on the blog. I’ll have more time as I procrastinate my editing. Have a beautiful day!
The Writer's Corner 